What is wrong with the current dating scene, and why dating sites don’t work?
Single people are facing a big problem in the world now. It is getting harder to find compatible men/women to date (and maybe more).
It was not like this always. But things have changed for the worst over the last decade.
Years ago, it was very common to hear that people met on Tinder and got married sometime later. Now, we hear that a lot less than before, although the dating pool has widened significantly, and even the number of apps has increased.
So why do we have this problem? Here are some things that I think went wrong.
The problem of plenty.
Back in the day, the number of people on dating sites was small, and we used to get 1-2 people to swipe in a good day. Today we see at least 10-12 matches every day. This leads us to falsely believe there is an endless supply of men/women that we can swipe on. So we swipe more mindlessly than before, and instead of focussing on quality, we look at it as a numbers game.
Red flag mentality
How often did you swipe left on someone because something in a picture put you off? Instead of focussing on the green flag, i.e., look for things to like. It is easy to find negative points when we start looking for them. For example, when you think of a red car, you will see them everywhere. It’s a principle called cognitive bias.
Remember how teachers used to put big red marks n our mistakes in school? We are just following the same impulse. The only difference is that this constant hunt for red flags will make us miserable.
Treating Apps as time pass
During the pandemic, a bucket load of bored people descended on all the dating apps, including married folks. They just wanted to pass the time by chatting with someone. While some are open about it, others hide the fact and waste time. This, in turn, has irritated many people who are genuinely looking for someone.
I cannot blame this on one gender as both men and women do this. Many clueless people resort to 20 questions type of interview to try and get to know someone. It can get very irritating to answer the same old, what do you do, why are you here type of questions. The repetition can get monotonous and boring over time.
As a personal habit, I cut short such questions by joking about applying for an HR role.
We are the commodity.
For dating apps, we are the commodity. If everyone who joins finds someone, they will leave and eventually, the apps will have to hunt for new customers. Keep that in mind while using the apps. For them, we are the commodity. More often we are on the app, more revenue opportunities for them.
I plan to use this as a place where others can contribute and share so that we get the best use from these apps. So add your thoughts in the comments, and let us make dating better.